Sublimation for Dummies
by turtur6
Summary: "Tony/McGee watching SGA, Tony ships McShep, McGee rejects forever 3"  Tim just wanted to geek our with a bro, but Tony somehow wants slash. Though Timmy never said all slash was impermissable...


**A/N: I was struck in the head with a passing plotbunny the other day, and wrote It down like so: "Tony/McGee watching SGA, Tony ships McShep, McGee rejects forever~3". Yes, this is what I spend my time doing. So why do I have writer's block?**

**Warnings: Tiny spoilers for SGA? And McGee being an extra-special ficcer McGeek. And slash, obv. But nicely tame slash that could be okay on cable. Also, unbeta'd. Sorry, I just haven't written anything ever this year. M was going to beta, but she doesn't know NCIS or SGA, gosh darn.**

**Disclaimer: NCIS does not belong to me. Nor do Stargate Atlantis, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Battlestar Galactica, Star Trek, Star Wars, the X-Files, or Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Thought I would kill for a Tom Servo in a nurse's kit!**

**And finally: If you haven't seen, go watch!**

~~~NCIS/SGA~~~

"Dude, the Canadian and the badass one with the hair- they're _so_ gay for each other."

Tim blinked, pausing before pressing play on the next episode. "Pardon?"

Tony continued, not noticing the sudden chill in his fellow agent's tone. "Think about it, McGee. The smart one and the jock? _Always_ get together in the end, man."

Tim slowly lowered his thumb on the remote, and the telltale music signifying "it was just a normal day at Atlantis base when…" began to play. Or maybe it was the "it was just a normal day in a city vaguely reminiscent of a period of human history when…" music, Tim wasn't really paying attention. He was too busy attempting to process what Tony had just said.

Tony continued talking, ignorant as ever. "I mean, Kirk and Spock? He_llo_, could they be any more obvious? Kirk was just overcompensating with all those hot space chicks; trust me, McEnterprise, my gaydar is _excellent_."

Tim had to curtail the chords of Avril Lavigne that wanted to fill up his every waking thought by focusing on Teyla's belly shirt and repeating over and over how hot he thought she looked when she was fighting aliens.

This was getting out of hand.

~~~NCIS/SGA~~~

McGee wasn't sure how the whole "watching Sci-Fi shows with Tony DiNozzo every Saturday until they both fell asleep on the couch"-thing started, but he knew that it had been some time after he had discovered the old Star Wars paperback stuffed in the back of Tony's bottom desk drawer while he was repairing his computer (that is, plugging it back in; Tony could be really stupid when it came to obvious things). Upon confronting Tony with it, he had discovered the closet-nerdy side of his senior agent. Apparently, Tony used to watch the X-Files, though not religiously, and had a fairly extensive knowledge of Star Trek from late nights in Baltimore with nothing to do. The Star Wars book, it turned out, had been a joke gift, but Tony had kept reading them ever since. Tim was impressed, but a little disappointed at DiNozzo's lack of more current knowledge, so one day he approached Tony in the parking lot with a rather unorthodox proposal.

"Doctor What?"

Tim sighed. He had anticipated this. "Just bear with me- I swear, you'll love it."

Tony had taken some persuading, but he eventually ended up on McPushy's couch with a beer and a slice of pizza, watching first a tall man with brown hair with a scarf, then a shorter man with a hat and a stalk of celery on his lapel, then a skinny man in pinstripes and too much hair gel over his manic eyebrows have madcap, zany, emotionally touching adventures.

"So, Tony, what did you- Tony?"

DiNozzo shook his head, mouth a flat line. "I'm coming over next week. You are not going to make me wonder what happens with those Cyber-thingies any longer than that!"

Tim smirked.

~~~NCIS/SGA~~~

From Doctor Who they started on Torchwood-

"_Doesn't Jack remind you of me?"_

_Tim coughed. "Uh, are you including the having sex with anything that moves in your description, because that was something I'd rather not know about you…" _

_Tony gave him his best headslap._

- to Battlestar Galactica-

"_I wonder if Ziva is a Cylon…" Tony wondered aloud._

_It was a chilling thought, and they moved slightly closer together on the couch._

_-_ interspersed with a few episodes of MST3K-

_During these times not much could be heard but laughter, and occasionally Tony's attempt to counter wisecrack with wisecrack._

- Until, finally, they were on Stargate. McGee showed DiNozzo enough SG-1 for him to get by (and the original movie, horrendously bad as it was), but revealed that he preferred Atlantis anyway and got them started on the first season fairly quickly.

And that was when things got complicated.

~~~NCIS/SGA~~~

Tim was aware that the majority of the SGA fandom who shipped Sheppard with men had him pegged for McKay. Now, while Tim could see where they were coming from, he felt that there was something about the pairing that didn't really ring true for him.

McGee knew that, if Tony could see his internet history, the older man would definitely find about eight years worth of insults to toss at his underling (so he thanked his lucky stars that he was the one with the computer smarts). Not only did Tim read enormous quantities of fanfic, but he read every genre he could find, including slash. He wasn't partial either way, but rather preferred to seek out the pairings he found to be most canonical. Sometimes the pairings were straight, sometimes, not so much. Tim didn't think that really said anything about his character. Tony, however, would be liable to renew his active interest in McGee's sexuality (and penchant for being a total geek) if he found out about it.

Tim had been particularly pleased to find an entire section for his book on , and a few groups on livejournal. Not surprisingly, most of the fics were gen or paired the male and female leads. There was even some embarrassingly graphic heterosexual fanart.

But his face broke into a grin at the few slash stories he found between the main character and his fellow male agent. He didn't really want to admit it to himself, but he preferred this pairing. Much less clichéd.

He briefly considered writing fic of his own book, but that was just too weird.

Anyway, he had thought that watching Stargate with Tony would b a fairly ship-free environment, sans any pressure to speculate about the characters' private lives.

He had thought wrong.

~~~NCIS/SGA~~~

With the appearance of Ronan Dex, Tim hoped Tony would see sense, but the ex-cop continued making suggestive remarks about both Sheppard and McKay's relationship as well as Sheppard and Weir's, and Weir and Teyla's, and Weir and Beckett's, and Sheppard and Teyla's- and it was driving Tim crazy how Tony just couldn't _commit_! And when he did commit he seemed partial to "McShep", which drove Tim so crazy he actually became chillingly sane.

Their work relations were becoming strained, Tim going out of his way to avoid contact with DiNozzo, not responding to his jokes, and spending more and more time with Abby. Tony seemed perturbed, but stubbornly refused to give up, still coming over on Saturdays to watch Atlantis while McGee made popcorn and ate it all himself.

But then new light appeared in Tim's darkened world: _Duet_. The (in)famous gay kiss scene. This _had_ to show Tony how he was wrong.

The episode progressed.

"Oh my God!" Tony was choked with laughter at McKay's uncharacteristically effeminate behavior. "Poor Carson! Hey McSuave, was this what it was like when you tried to get it on with Abby?" Tony suddenly clammed up, looking like he'd just let something slip that he shouldn't have.

Tim raised his eyebrows, perceiving aforementioned unintentional revelation. "Huh?"

Tony shoved a buffalo wing down his gullet guiltily. "Uh, never mind."

The gears in Tim's head clinked into place and began turning rapidly.

Something was up.

~~~NCIS/SGA~~~

"_Just in case this doesn't work."_

_Rodney strode purposefully over to Dr Beckett, gritted his teeth, and kissed the Scotsman hard on the lips. Carson jumped, eyes wide. There may have been a wee bit of tongue. Everyone else in the room felt slightly awkward, because it was seriously hot and no other show had ever done this before probably._

_Then suddenly, Rodney stopped, heaving backwards with a panicked expression on his face._

_Oh, everyone else seemed to understand, it was _Cadman's_ fault._

_Beckett just tried to catch his breath. That had not been a very womanly kiss._

Tony stared at the screen, mouth hanging open.

Tim fought the urge to cover his deep blush with his hands.

"W-well! I didn't see that coming!" Tony said, finally breaking the silence in his typical excessively jocular fashion. He turned to see Tim, who was unable to meet his gaze. "Wow, McObvious. You could have just said."

"Said?" Tim muttered.

"That you think McKay's got a thing for men in kilts. No wonder you've been so tense lately: you didn't like me interfering in the way you watch your shows!" His smile broadened, but his eyes were squinted up slightly, like he was hiding his true expression.

Tim blinked. "I don't… what?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Mc-McDumb."

Tim paused the show and started picking up paper plates. "Whatever, Tony," he pouted.

Tony was quiet, watching Tim tidy up the room for a minute. When he finally did speak, it was in a whisper. Had Tim not been trained as a Special Agent, he might not have heard.

"I guess the smart one and the badass one aren't as compatible as the smart one and the smart one, huh…?"

Tim froze.

"Wh-what?"

Tony sighed. "Can we just keep watching? I'll fall asleep if I don't watch more."

"No, what did you…?"

Tim realized, suddenly, that Tony was using the show as a metaphor for his own life. This was, yes, a little weird, but the really weird thing seemed to be- Oh. Oh poor Tony. McGee had gone and screwed the whole thing up, hadn't he?

"Tony…" he risked a step towards the couch. "Are you Sheppard?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "No, McClueless, I'm _Tony DiNozzo_."

"Yeah, but- are you Sheppard? And- am I McKay?"

Now it was Tony who couldn't meet Tim's gaze as the younger agent stared at him, looking slightly scared of what Tony might say.

"W-well. I am pretty badass." Tony said eventually, inspecting his fingernails and clearing his throat. "And you're a genius with no social skills, so…" Tim headslapped him, hand trembling. Tony winced and whirled around in his seat. "Ow! What the-?"

The shorter haired man smiled tenderly. "Why didn't you say so from the beginning, you idiot?"

And then he kissed him.

~~~NCIS/SGA~~~

"For the record," said Tim, breathy speech blowing on Tony's hair so that it ruffled against his forehead and made him scowl humorously, "I still think that Sheppard and McKay would just never work out as a couple. Rodney's relationship with Carson is so much more intimate. And later, in season three-"

"Oh shut up, McLoudmouth, and let me sleep. I have Wraith to kill in the morning."

"Yeah, yeah."

**FIN**


End file.
